A Catch in Time Read online

  Laura sat very still. She heard resignation—and pain—in Kate’s voice, and knew something terrible was coming.

  “So one day me and my little sister, Carrie, were crossing the street, and she got hit by a car. She was just half a step in front of me. I sat in the street holding her. Her head was smashed and there was blood everywhere. I prayed like I’d never prayed before.” After a pause, she added, tonelessly, “I was fourteen and Carrie was eight.

  “I pleaded for God to make good on the promises I’d heard my entire life, that people could be healed if you believe. I called in all the favors for having been a good servant. I prayed with every ounce of faith I had. I was convinced that He would listen.

  “Carrie just watched me, all broken up, bleeding. I knew she was counting on my relationship with God, counting on me to have God save her life.” She glanced at Laura.

  Laura didn’t know what to say, but her eyes burned with sympathy.

  “Carrie didn’t die, but she didn’t get better. When she got out of the hospital, my folks put her bed in our living room. It became like a shrine. I was always there, praying. My parents told everyone that Carrie would have died if I hadn’t been with her. At first, I believed that, too.

  “But Carrie never got better. She was paralyzed from the neck down, couldn’t talk, but she never took her eyes off me, never lost hope when I was near her. The more she believed, the more unsure I got. Finally, I couldn’t feel anything but failure. For months I didn’t sleep because of nightmares, and I couldn’t eat.

  “My fifteenth birthday, I went downstairs to Carrie like I did every morning, and … all of a sudden, it was all just gone. The faith, the belief. Half a step was the difference between Carrie getting hit instead of me. If it was a test of faith, God blew it, because nobody could’ve believed stronger than me. And in that minute, I knew: Faith was bullshit and so was He.

  “I looked at Carrie and she was staring at me like she always did, her faith just as strong.

  “I got so Goddamn mad. My whole life looked like one big stupid lie. People were living to please something that didn’t exist. All the praying, all the believing—lies. My knees buckled and I hit the floor.”

  Laura found her voice. “Oh, Kate, how horrible. It’s no wonder you—”

  “No,” Kate barked. “That’s exactly why I never tell anyone. I don’t want people thinking, ‘Now I understand Kate.’ I hate that. I am more than just that, and I won’t be boiled down to psycho-babble.”

  Laura nodded guiltily. “Why did your parents think you’d be a preacher?”

  “I was good,” Kate said simply. “Not virtuous good. I was good with the Bible. I could understand the metaphors and explain them like they were my own.”

  There it was. The skinny girl in Laura’s imagination, accepted as a prodigy by her religious community, speaking with the charismatic energy she still had today. There was Kate, stripped of years, denuded of cynicism, peeled down to latent talent, innocent passion.

  “You must have been something,” said Laura.

  “Yeah, I was something all right; I was part of deceiving people. It makes me sick to remember things I said that made other people victims of the bullshit.”

  “But you—”

  “But I was raised in it, it wasn’t my fault, blah, blah, blah.”

  Laura held up a hand. “Let me finish. You can’t blame yourself. You were just a kid.”

  “I told you I ran away at fifteen. Well, I ran away that day, my birthday. I didn’t say anything, didn’t leave a note, didn’t even say good-bye to Carrie.”

  Tears mixed with defiance.

  “I tried to force myself into the living room once more, but I couldn’t do it. Carrie, she knew I was standing there but couldn’t turn her head. And I couldn’t go in.” Her voice dropped to a husky whisper. “I hated her.” Her face twisted, holding back tears. “She was nine years old and paralyzed and I hated her for my failure, so I walked out.”

  Kate drew a shaky breath. “I never even called for five years. When I finally did, my mom hung up on me. I found out later that Carrie had died the week after I left.”

  Kate wiped her nose and smiled crookedly. “Shit, it’s been twenty-something years.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I only told you about it because of what we were talking about. Shaitan and religious nuts and that shit.” Kate shifted into gear and pulled onto the empty highway.

  “But at least, with your experience, you can understand why people can become involved in religion,” Laura said, phrasing her words tactfully.

  “Not really. I was only fifteen, but I figured it out, even though it would’ve been easier not to. I could’ve told myself that sometimes God says, ‘No.’” She banged the steering wheel. “It’s a fucking cop-out. People fucking cop out. I wised up. So can they.”

  “Do you see me as a religious nut for believing in my epiphany?” Laura asked cautiously.

  Kate laughed, “Sorry, honey, your story sounds just like others I’ve heard. People who believe in miracles will believe anything.

  “But I love you anyway,” she added, shifting abruptly into her whimsical self.

  Josiah’s recovery was so swift that Dr. Carlson, as one might expect, called it a miracle. Laura and Kate visited Josiah daily at the hospital, but visiting hours were short and strictly enforced. They hadn’t been there when Josiah had regained consciousness and was told of his amputation. By the time they saw him, Josiah had dealt with the loss in his own solitary way.

  Laura knew immediately, could see in his expression and the lazy smile with which he greeted them, that he’d adapted to his fate. A rush of love filled her.

  “Welcome back,” she said, touching his hand.

  Kate lightly stroked his cheek. “Hi, kiddo, how’re you feeling?”

  Josiah grinned. “Pretty spacey. Drugs, I guess.”

  “Aw, you’re just hungry,” Kate said. “You’ve lost weight.”

  “Chopping off body parts will do that.” Josiah raised his head. “What’s the word on this place?” he whispered. “They said you’d be coming, but I wasn’t sure who they meant. They keep talking about my wife and a Sister Donna.”

  “Laura’s your wife,” Kate whispered. “We’ll explain later. Donna’s … well, we’ll explain that later, too. We’re in Reno and—”

  “That much I figured,” Josiah said.

  “Josiah, listen. The Brotherhood’s way heavier than we understood from their broadcasts.”

  Laura saw the doorknob turn, nudged Kate, and said loudly, “Praise the Lord. Thank you for hearing our prayers.”

  “Amen,” Kate said as a nurse entered the room. “The Lord walks, Sister,” she greeted her politely.

  When Josiah was released from the hospital and safely in the Suburban, he finally heard enough to connect the hurried bits and pieces they’d told him during visiting hours.

  Laura drove slowly, taking side roads at a whim to delay the return to Donna’s house.

  “The town’s crammed with people,” Kate said. “Hotels aren’t even hotels anymore; they’re like huge communes, people living in all the rooms. The old Play ‘N Pray Casino is headquarters to the Brotherhood. There’s about fifteen or twenty preachers, besides Reverend Perry, and each of them has a couple of sidekicks. Perry’s sidekick is some guy called Brother Em, who Donna says is a real piece of work.”

  “Remember that huge, round bowling alley?” Laura asked. “They’ve turned that into a hydroponics plant and it’s not the only one. It’s really amazing how organized the city is. They have power plants outside of town that generate enough electricity to run everything, plus extra that they sell to the army base in Carson City.”

  “Actually, the army base is Carson City,” Kate corrected. “There are no civilians there, we hear. The Brotherhood doesn’t allow any traffic between here and there. The border shit they’ve set up in that direction is crazy—fences, barbed wire, sentry towers, land mine
s—you name it.”

  “What about I-80 east?” Josiah asked.

  “Patrolled. All the highways have border crossings—80, 395, 445—but nothing like the one blocking 395 south to Carson City. We tried 445 one day. We showed the patrol our papers and said we were headed to Pyramid Lake, but they wouldn’t let us through. Wanted to know why we didn’t have a pass from headquarters.”

  “What happened?”

  “We pretended we did have a pass, asked them to look through the papers again. The guard was pretty nice but he still wouldn’t let us through without it. ‘Jesus walks’—hah. Even He couldn’t walk out of this place without a pass. They’re sure anyone trying to get out is Shaitan.”

  Josiah’s concern grew. “Is this Jesus supposed to be in Reno?”

  “Nobody knows, but everybody seems to think He must be,” said Laura. “It’s how they account for everything that happens.”

  “Why the tight borders? Why keep people in who don’t want to stay?”

  “Like I said,” Kate said. “Anyone who wants to leave must be Shaitan. Perry says the idea came direct from God during one of their chats. The Shaitan, according to his sidekick, Em, come from some finite pool of evilness. The sacrifices on the altar are supposed to gradually reduce the pool to pre-blackout size.”

  “Getting into Reno, to the Brotherhood,” Laura explained, “is easy. The patrols let everyone, except army personnel, in, and put them on a list so they can keep track of them. They don’t let army in because they can’t keep them without the government coming down on them.”

  “The Brotherhood is splintered into a bunch of sects,” said Kate, “and membership competition seems to revolve around the most Shaitan sacrifices.”

  “Where are all these Shaitan coming from?” Josiah asked.

  “I’ve wondered, myself,” said Laura. “Maybe they’re not all Shaitan—just victims. Like the old witch hunts.”

  “But the eyes—” Josiah began.

  “From what Donna’s said about the torture that goes on before the sacrifice,” said Kate, “anybody would end up looking crazy. And on the altar, only preachers are close enough to see.”

  Josiah became unnaturally pale.

  He’s so tired, Laura thought. She checked her watch and saw he was overdue for his medication.

  Spotting a freeway on-ramp, Laura merged into traffic. As she sped toward Donna’s, she told Josiah about Samuel, including a new theory she hadn’t mentioned to Kate, that Shaitan learned to conceal the dark emptiness in their eyes. If others believed this, it supported the practice of torture to get Shaitan to reveal themselves.

  Why did it matter that Shaitan could keep their nature from showing in their eyes? Kate wanted to know. The eyes boiled as soon as they were angered.

  “What if they’re not as easily provoked as we thought?” asked Laura. “What if some are not as uncontrolled as we think?”

  “What would that mean, Laura?” Josiah asked.

  Their exit lay only a few miles ahead.

  “I’m trying to define them. If we know what they are, what their source is, maybe there’s a way to stop them from being part of everything that’s being born.”

  Kate laughed and shook her head. “Back to the Path, kiddo?”

  Laura smiled. There was no sarcasm in Kate’s voice. Impulsively, she squeezed Kate’s hand. “Something else,” she said. “If they can hide it, maybe you’re right about Lucas being Shaitan, Kate.”

  “Lucas?” said Josiah, surprised.

  “I’ve never seen it in his eyes,” Laura said. “And that’s thrown me. It never occurred to me that he could hide it.”

  “But why haven’t they all learned to hide it?” Josiah asked. “To protect themselves.”

  “Maybe a lot of them did,” said Laura. “But I think whatever makes them Shaitan makes them crave the hunt, even if they’re the hunted.”

  “Self-preservation,” Kate said suddenly. “Everything’s born with that instinct.”

  “Yes!” Laura said. “Self-preservation is triggered by fear, and they have no fear. That’s part of what’s so terrible about their eyes.”

  “It has to take time to learn to hide it,” Josiah said, shifting uncomfortably. “To even learn that they should.”

  Laura exited the freeway. Slowing for the curved boulevard, she said, “Time is exactly what Samuel’s had. Four years.”

  “Well, shit, that lets Lucas out,” Kate said. “It couldn’ta been more than a month after the blackout that we found him.”

  There was disappointment in Kate’s voice. She’d been feeling vindicated in her dislike of Lucas.

  “Not if he’d been born Shaitan,” Laura said.

  “But—” Josiah started.

  “We assume that the evil of the Shaitan is new,” Laura interrupted, turning into the driveway. “But if it’s the flip side of life, it’s always been there. Only, instead of trickling into the world the way it used to, maybe the blackout let it pour in.”

  CHAPTER 31

  DONNA GAVE HER BEDROOM TO JOSIAH AND LAURA. “It’s the biggest bed in the house,” she said, waving away Laura’s protests. “Good mattress. Can’t find nice mattresses anymore. I’ll bunk with Kate and Lucas and you two take the big bed.” She drew Laura aside and whispered, “He’ll need your comfort to get over missing that leg.”

  Laura thanked her, feeling heat in her cheeks. She avoided Josiah’s eyes as she and Kate helped him to the bedroom.

  As soon as they were alone in the room, Kate groaned. “Shit, Josiah, I shoulda said you were my husband. Not that I want to jump what’s left of your bones. I just hate being in the same room with Donna.” She flipped back the covers of the freshly made bed.

  Josiah grinned, reaching for the glass of water and an oxycodone Laura held out to him. “You’re so sentimental, Kate, it just warms me down to my toes. All five of them.”

  Kate grunted. “Funny, ha-ha. You’re not the one who’ll have to listen to Donna’s sermons when the lights go out.”

  “So how’d I become Laura’s in the first place?”

  They eased Josiah onto the bed, and Kate removed his shoe.

  “Because of the border guard,” Kate told him. “If I’d known how easy it was to get in to Reno, I wouldn’t have bothered. He was probably just going to preach, but I thought he was going to haul her off ‘cause she doesn’t know a fucking thing Biblical. It just popped out of my mouth.”

  Josiah’s green eyes were clouded with pain. Laura helped him into a clean pajama top, then guided his head gently onto the pillow. She and Kate eased off his pants and pulled the covers over him.

  Josiah sighed. “You did good, Kate. Maybe people who don’t respond right become sacrifices … more to recognizing them than meets the eye. You did good.” His lashes fluttered, and when his breathing steadied Kate and Laura slipped from the room.

  Josiah’s schedule of medication placed his last dose an hour before bedtime. He was always deeply asleep by the time Laura carefully entered her side of the bed, where she would lie, exploring the irony of his nearness. On the fourth evening, after Josiah and the children were in bed, Donna said it was time to make plans. She brewed chamomile tea and met Kate and Laura at the kitchen table, full of eagerness.

  “I put in for my scouting permit months ago,” she began as she poured their tea. “The permit came through this morning. The Lord is with us.”

  “What’s a scouting permit?” Kate asked.

  “The Brotherhood doesn’t just wait for Shaitan. Scouts can go out and search the countryside for them.”

  “You need a permit?” Laura asked.

  “It’s special.” Donna nodded vigorously. “Like I told you, I’m a senior sister, and I’ve been applying every year, for years.” She bowed her head. “It’s not been easy, living here.”

  Kate touched Donna’s gnarled hand. “Sister Donna, can we all get out on your permit?”

  Donna’s eyes flew open in alarm and she clutched her chest. “No! T
hat’s not the way. We’ll do it in stages, so it won’t bring the Brotherhood down on us,” she said nervously.

  “Scouts go out two by two—a scout and a deputy. The deputy spreads the Word while the scout brings people close. When the deputy starts in about Shaitan, riling the crowd, the scout keeps a close eye for possibilities. It’s tricky, bringing the Shaitan in without them suspecting anything. The scout tempts the Shaitan with lies about Reno, street fights, murders, evildoing. Sometimes the Shaitan just gallop in.

  “The fastest way to become a scout is to become a deputy first, but I couldn’t leave Samuel alone. Sometimes, they’re gone for weeks. I don’t know what I’d have done if my scout permit had come through before you came.” She shook her head. “The Hand of the Lord,” she said in quiet amazement.

  “Deputies,” Laura said, “don’t need permits? You can deputize whoever you want?”

  Donna nodded. “Of course, they have to be approved by the church, but that doesn’t take much.”

  “Reverend Perry?”

  “Any Brotherhood preacher. Reverend Jasper could do it.”

  Laura had dreaded encountering Reverend Perry again. She recalled their first meeting, when Donna took them to the Play ‘N Pray. His zealousness was almost lustful. He was a man she would have avoided even before the blackout.

  “So are you going to deputize me or Sister Laura?” asked Kate.

  Donna shook her head. “Too complicated. Brother Josiah.”

  “What?” Kate exclaimed. “Why?”

  Donna’s eyes were hard. “Think about it. You’ve been here long enough—you think they’re gonna deputize breeding-age women? They’ve got their eye on you two, especially you, Kate. You’re not married and you’re a breeder.”

  Laura realized with suddenness. “Lucas.”

  Donna nodded. “Me, well, Samuel was a hard birth and something went wrong. I did it here, alone, and I’m glad because they would have taken Samuel. A year later, when I was tested, it turned out I couldn’t have more children, Praise the Lord.”

  “But what if Josiah hadn’t made it through the operation?” asked Kate. “You said you had a plan before that.”